


dr who fic dump

by corvuss



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, Dr Nyarlathotep, Freeform, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Stream of Consciousness, Suicidal Thoughts, Time War (Doctor Who), Time War Angst (Doctor Who)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-06
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 23:18:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19840603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corvuss/pseuds/corvuss
Summary: A bunch of emo Time War stuff I wrote in 2013. If it reads like it was written by an angsty 15-year-old, that's because it was! Enjoy!





	1. The TARDIS Dies

She is dying. Had been dying.

(She’s been dying since the War but the Doctor’s been in denial for all these millennia because he had to keep running from the inevitable. Maybe if he kept going, it wouldn’t happen at all.)

The last thing he has left to live for, the one he had been with for nearly all his long, long life (could he call the state he’s in _life_?) — is about to leave him forever. And this time, there’s nothing he can do to stop it. It wasn’t like the countless times he’d excused the slaughter of a few people, a couple galaxies here and there. Telling a companion (telling himself) that _it’s a fixed_ _point in time; nothing I can do now_ so he could let off some steam.

This is reality and _every single possibility_ points to this and he’d tried to delay it for far too long. He’s walking through her corridors— ghosts from his memory alone come flickering in and out of existence; tendrils of time energy leaking through cracks, warping everything they touch; there’s horrified screaming of a billion voices (which he recognizes _all too well)_ coming from rooms he can never quite reach.

Her consciousness has decayed almost as much and he can still feel her buzzing in the back of his mind but it’s all _broken_ and it’s all _wrong._ Both of them were shattered beyond recognition a long time ago; but these are the thoughts of a dying ship.

She’s trying her hardest not to hurt him (what’s there left to damage?) but her strength is failing so _rapidly_ and the violent flashes of images and words and the horrifying possibilities of his future come streaming through his mind and he crumples to the ground times fifty-three before he wrenches himself out of the loop and chokes.

The flashes leave as soon as they come and all the sudden he’s standing in the console room for the first time in – a very long time.

He remembers why, and it _hurts_. The memories are strongest here— (the _first time_ ready for a new _wonderful_ life far away from the stagnant culture of his home planet – getting lost over and over again in her infinite rooms; most of his incarnations never had a great sense of direction – countless companions leaving and some coming back and he’s always _alone_ in the end [save for _her_ ] – laughing with maniac glee in one timeline while sobs wrack his body in another as he watches Gallifrey burn beneath him, _because of_ him – and he’s so _alone_ they’re all dead they’ve _never existed in the first place_ and his mind is so empty and _silent_ except for his TARDIS [her Doctor])

He runs his hands over the console ( _please don’t leave me here alone)_ and oh _Rassilon_ she’s so cluttered filthy confused weak— and these are their last moments together he can _feel it_ and it’s _terrifying_ (and the worst part is, she _knew_ ) –

The console room is all that’s left now, she’s collapsing in on herself and _everything_ warps, he’s seeing flashes again— everyone he’s loved and lost and ruined and murdered all at once he can’t take it anymore –

“ _Kill me!”_ he pleads, beating at the console, throwing himself at the controls, sobbing all the same, “ _Take me with you! Please! Get rid of me for good!_ ” he begs and instantly he knows it’s impossible she’s too weak her very mind is nearly gone—

The console fades and he slumps to the floor and even that is fading away—

_I’m sorry,_ she whispers, and it’s so faint he’s probably imagining it.

The TARDIS is gone.

The one thing he thought he could rely on somehow, was gone.

He’s lying in a rocky field of a planet he doesn’t recognize and she’s completely _gone_ there’s no trace and—

The Doctor feels nothing. The gaping void in his mind numbs him entirely; he’s gone into shock and the _one and only thing he had left_ is gone he can’t think can’t move can’t feel can’t—

He curls up and screams. He cries out, sobbing, clawing viciously at his body, thrashing against the rocks because he’s losing control when he should _never_ lose control— But it doesn’t matter now, does it? His last remaining hive mind is gone forever and there’s nothing he can do to get her back.

It’s so quiet. He tries to fill up the silence with wails but it does nothing, it does _nothing at all_ but it can’t stop because it _hurts._

He’s more alone now than he’s ever been. He is emptiness and he is _rage._


	2. War

it was supposed to be over. supposedly they should’ve never been back here.

but dreams are a form of escapism. 

and war –

this war was (is) (will be) eternal.

they were awake once more. memories of the dream –

disappeared.

there’s so much fire. (burning through space [time] {reality})

all-consuming.

in one state, they scream as it (a living being in and of itself) touches their lips.

in another, they didn’t even get the chance. (erased, gone [burning forever])

no matter;

they’re resurrected in an instant.

the war rages on (as it always has)

war: /wôr/ ( _noun)_ a state of armed conflict between different groups.

  * this isn’t war –



as with everything, there is agony. (words will never describe)


	3. Collapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more experimental freeform Time War stuff with Eldritch!Eight.   
> What was I even writing?

so here a lone figure watches it burn, no, they watch whole civilizations, planets, _galaxies_ crumble before their very eyes. because it’s not just two species being destroyed here. it is nearly all of them. trillions of trillions of innocent souls’ psychic screams – begging for help, pleading for it to _stop_. ( _mercy mercy mercy please take pity on us please please **please** what did i do to deserve this it hurts it **hurts** i’m confused so confused it’s all dust _kilmekillmekillme) years upon years of history are being completely erased – all of that pure, starry-eyed _potential_ being destroyed.

some are lucky; their planets are simply caught in the crossfires - convulsing for half a second; it’s all over and they’re gone for good. didn’t even realize what hit them.

the ones closer to the center of the War… aren’t so fortunate. they’re caught in the fire, confusion, the _entropy_ , for the rest of eternity- and this time there’s no escape. it loops, over and over and endless – a record spinning and broken beyond any recognition.

but for the ones blessed with time-sentience - to put it simply, the last days of the War were, indeed, hell.

it’s all their fault. they’ve done this before, oh yes. but never on this scale. _never_ on this scale.

what had they _become_?

nyarlathotep laughs at the name they once bore. laughs and sobs and _screams_ because there is no end to this War, it will destroy all of reality ( _everything all of it never existed all my fault i **deserve** this_) and so much more. because they can hear trillions of voices cursing their name though the same ones had once praised it.

billions of years of layered, complex history are unfolding in front of their very eyes- their timeline isn’t recognizable, isn’t fixable, and there’s no _escape_ this time – death isn’t permanent here and there’s no way of forgetting any of this – even for half a moment. this war is endless and eternal and everything’s bleeding together, tearing in and through and seeping into every inch, every second of the multiverse and every possible state is occurring at once ( _it’s your fault it is entirely your fault you could have prevented this and now you **can’t**_ )

every conscious being is screaming their name now – they curl into themself though it only makes things worse and nothing makes sense anymore it’s never made sense all the timelines – running together convulsing ripping apart


End file.
